is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
