I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont even know how to be here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
