i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
