I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
