if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
