my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
