So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
