that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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