Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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