I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
