I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
