I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't notice because vodka
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
