talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize