u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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