We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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