i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
