Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
