dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
