I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
