My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
