i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
