Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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