i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
