apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
