We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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