Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize