Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
