i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize