I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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