My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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