So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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