My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
