Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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