Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
