this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
