Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
