I accidentally had phone sex last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I could make wine with my vomit
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
