It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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