He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
