This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
