I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
