you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize