I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
