You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
