I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
