I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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