I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
