Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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