I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
