Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So much Jack, so little girl.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
