oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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