Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
