I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize