i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
