This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
