Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize