if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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