He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
