sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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