i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
