So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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