Sry I called you an 8
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
