I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
