I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
